Posts

I own my home; with help from the bank.  I am the person on the title.  Carol is not.  I could try to force her to move.  But that would be difficult.  The other alternative is to move out. So what would happen if I moved out? Pros I wouldn't have to deal with Carol's negative attitude I could date with a lot less complications On the nights I did not have the kids, I could work late, do other things Cons It's my house.  Would I charge Carol rent?  I guess I could deed it to her, but she could not afford the mortage Maybe a creative divorce lawyer could figure this out. Let's say I gave here $2200 a month.  She could not pay the mortage with that.  Or come close.  If I just paid the mortgage and utilities how could I afford anything decent for myself.  I would miss the kids when I was not there.  And God only knows how much junk food they'd eat and tv they'd watch if I wasn't there! What about Max?  Could I handle all three in a 2 BR apt?
Post a Comment
Read more
My kids are healthy.   They seem to be doing well with school and activities.  One could be more ambitious, another could take up better eating habits, but they are thriving. I went on a great ski trip. Before that I went to Florida and saw my friend there.  I did not get to spend as much time with her as I would have liked. And I poured out my feelings a little too much.  But she is in my life. The day to day is still tough.  I love finding joy and I seek it.  But to share it would be lovely.   Sadly, the girls's mother does not seek or bring joy and I live with her.  I question this arrangement, but I guess I fear the alternative.  I accused her of living in fear earlier tonight in a text message to my friend in Florida.   But maybe its me who lives in fear.
Post a Comment
Read more
Meantime, my friend in Tampa was out of the country til last night.  We exchanged a couple texts last night, then nothing.  And a few today.  I am hungry for more contact.... which is always my downfall.  My neediness. Where does this come from?  Will I ever be satisfied?
Post a Comment
Read more
Last night, actually early this morning, I had a pretty vivid sex dream.  Well, not actually sex, but one involving close contact with a woman.  A real woman -- The Priest at my Episcopal Church.  She is an attractive woman about my age, just two years older.  But there is nothing sexual about her.  She is reserved and not at ALL flirtatious.  Which is why dreaming of her in a nightgown rubbing against me was more than a little shocking. But not unpleasant.  I will NOT be following up on this.
Post a Comment
Read more
For the past several weeks I have been in daily contact with a woman who now lives in Tampa.  We've known each other for years and actually had a little fling or assignation a few years ago.  She's pretty amazing and fascinating in many ways.   I really like spending any kind of time with her.  She's "been there" for me in many ways. and I have tried to do the same for her.   She is calm, confident, cool and funny.  She has many interests and activities.  She would be a great life partner. But there are so many obstacles. She left for Cuba today and will not be back till Monday.  I miss her very much.
Post a Comment
Read more

the past... the future?

So I was in San Francisco, briefly, but long enough to have breakfast with my former fiancee (from 2004). We didn't get married for a number of reasons, most importantly that she didn't want to have any more kids and at that point I was childless. She has a STRONG personality, but we never are bored with each other. Our conversations veer off into a thousand directions and never finish. She's athletic, smart, funny, well-read and sophisticated. She also likes music and has now taken up singing and guitar playing. We sat outside a hotel restaurant and sang songs together. But.... she's in Benicia, CA We only hugged, but I felt more affection and love than I have in eons.
Post a Comment
Read more
My son spends 5 nights out of every 14 with me, plus every other Monday for 4 hours or so.  I take him to Occupational Therapy and medical appts outside my time too.  I probably spend more time with him than my daughters, as I am his Cub Scout Leader too.  This makes me feel guilty.  I know my girls resent the time I spend with Max.  I get home later when Max is not there-- they notice.  But their mother is home and can interact with them.  Since I do not live with Max's mother, his care is on me.  I want to be a better Dad, but I need to make money and keep employed. Max and I also have some activities like Golf that we do together.  But the girls and I have nothing.
Post a Comment
Read more