Maybe if I write it down

Which email do I deal with first?   The last one I received, or the oldest?  The one from opposing counsel making a demand or the one from a client asking a question? How about the ones from colleagues asking questions that will not help me make money? Prioritization/executive function; and their nasty cousin, procrastination.  Daydreaming is supposed to be good for creativity, but I do need to get it under control.

Yesterday I posted a link to an article from Axios about the Trump-Putin summit on Facebook.  I got the predicted response; my MAGA friends defended the President and others went after them hard.  It did not get personal, but to my knowledge no opinions were changed.  Maybe some of the people who were just following along.  I did see comments from a couple people who usually do not comment on my page and I got a private text message from another friend -- all in support of my position.  So that was nice.  I usually avoid politics on Facebook as I doubt posting opinions convinces anyone.  But if my posts are rare, and thoughtful, I might get someone's attention. Either way, I remain dismayed by the political divide in this country.  I wish I had brilliant ideas. Will it take a WWII-like event to draw us together?  I've thought that for a while, but with Trump as our President, that could actually tear us apart. I want to do more. ...

For many years I read no fiction, other than the books I had been assigned in College English courses, "Great Books" only.   I saw novels as light and unimportant.  A few that influenced the world might be OK, but I dismissed the genre for the most part Sometime along the line I started reading fiction for escape and my opinion changed. I got this dismissive attitude from my Dad, who passed on a manner of strong opinions and disregard for the opinions of others.  Over the years I have been told that I am offputting and arrogant with my strong opinions.  I never felt that way!  I often feel unsure and conflicted.  I want to project confidence, not arrogance. Anyhow, I still read lots of history and biographies. But I can't get excited about any of the books stacked up beside my bed.   One of the last "big" history book I read was the last volume of William Manchester's bio of Winston Churchill.  It was kind of depressing to see the ...

How to motivate them?  I know they're listening, watching, observing, even when they seem to be ignoring me or other adults.  I know this from my own experience.  I know this because they tell me later that they heard or saw me do something. But why do some messages motivate while others shame?  Or create anger? I worry about my oldest daughter, now 11. She's overweight and eats almost exclusively junk.  Her rail thin, eat like a bird, smoker, mother does not seem concerned.  My girl does not get enough exercise.  I think she knows she's overweight, I think she's concerned.  But she's not motivated. I am scared.  I talk about healthy choices. I would like to get her out on a bike... anything...

Anger.  It's a normal human emotion, often in response to stress.  Some people use it to motivate themselves and/or others.  Others use anger to burn off steam.  I get angry, just like anyone.  Driving to work I often get angry at other drivers-- and usually I am being unreasonable, quite frankly.  I don't flip anyone off or yell out the window, I just grouse to myself.   I am angry about the current political situation in this country.   But I am also the butt of anger.  The mother of two of my kids, who lives with me, also gets angry.  Often. Not necessarily with me, but she takes it out of me. Her job is demanding, she is under a lot of pressure.  So she gets mad.  At me, at our daughters.  I am worried that they are learning that anger is OK.   Anger is her default emotion.

I've kept journals in the past when struggling.  I'm not exactly struggling now, but my brain is buzzing.  I am having lots of dreams and not sleeping well.  Partly this is just a process of aging and partly I have had parts of my past brought back into focus, so there's lots to contemplate. One of my favorite expressions is "You can't fix the past" and its companion "Give up all hope of a perfect past."  I like them because I have to remind myself of that all the time -- I cannot go back, much as I would like to go back to Ohio and prevent my Dad from losing his job and stop my family from moving away, or go back to 4th Grade and pull my 9 year old self aside and help me avoid getting picked on by other kids, or give my younger self advice on girls, if not careers and investments! So maybe if I write it down...